Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
