Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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