found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
