I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
