Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We have started to decorate penises.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
