My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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