So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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