yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
