i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
