She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
