I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
