My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
