i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
