Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
did you just send me my own nude
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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