i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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