thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
