were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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