Fuck appropriateness.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize