you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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