Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
