im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize