did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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