Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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