Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
