Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
