Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
