I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
