Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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