Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Houston, we have a squirter
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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