I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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