1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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