There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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