using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm passing your future prison.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize