Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize