Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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