I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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