I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
