Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
