paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
