btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
