There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
