I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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