I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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