My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize