I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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