i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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