his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
