I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
