who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize