Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You are a genius and a whore.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize