If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
