Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
