Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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