I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
