dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
