o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
