maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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