Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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