He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
