Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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