She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
