great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
