Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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