where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the day after is always just damage control
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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