Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
