you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
