I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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