I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
