My room smells like vodka and shame
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize