win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
