We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
