I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
