I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
