I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
