dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
