someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
