There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
