wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
