So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
