She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
