I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
