you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize