I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
