I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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