It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize