she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
