she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
