Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
