So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
