do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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