i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
