she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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