If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
