i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize