I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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